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Three Things, a Father Should Know when Fighting for Child Custody! PDF Print E-mail
(7 Votes)
Written by Bobby K   
For as long as anyone can remember, the court system has been very biased when it comes to child custody. And it usually falls in the mothers favor. But many fathers have lost a child custody battle, simply because they didn't take the time to learn how the court system works. Or should I say, works against them.

Studies show, that fathers can be their own worst enemy in a child custody battle, because this is one time, when a man thinks with his emotions rather than logic. Women tend to be more vicious right from the beginning, and waste no time in finding out what they need to do, to win custody and acquire child-support. They learn quickly, that by making a bunch of crazy and in most cases, untrue allegations against the father, such as claiming some sort of child abuse, or that the father is a drug addict or alcoholic, and of course their favorite, The battered wife syndrome. The judge, will almost always allow the mother to have at least temporary custody.

This is when the attorneys usually start planning their strategy, and playing games with the court system. Not to mention with your emotions. A lawyer knows, the courts will always look out for the child's best interest first. And will do their best to keep the child as stable as possible in such a traumatic situation. And by keeping them in one particular household or primary residence, this will give the child more stability.

This clever little move, will work against the father later on because now, the child has established a so-called stable environment with the mother. And makes it nearly impossible for the father to convince the judge to uproot the children once again, in which case, means the father is almost certain not to get primary custody. The courts look at this like, let a sleeping dog lie. Even if in reality, the father is a better parent or role model for the child. In most cases, Mothers seem to have all the rights. And fathers just become weekend dads, and are ordered to pay astronomical amounts of child support. And in many cases, these payments are far beyond the father's financial ability to pay.

Lawyers play a big part in this losing battle as well. Contrary to what they tell you, it's all about the money. They will promise you a Rose Garden and deliver very little for the substantial amount of money that you will have paid them in the end. The lawyer's goal is to work as little as possible and collect as much money as your pocket will allow. Of course they will require a retainer fee up front, which is usually a minimum of $2500. And then the cost will just continue adding up from there.

The vicious cycle continues. The attorneys know how distraught the father is, and will do everything short of selling his soul, to try to restore as much of his life that he can at this time. This of course, is when the father is most vulnerable, and the attorneys will prey on that. And more fees will accumulate. By this time, most fathers become so mentally exhausted, they can't think rationally. Sometimes they may even become very angry or bitter which will cause them to fall further behind in the battle. And if they were lucky enough to maintain enough sanity to hold down a job, they are most likely still in a world of financial hurt. Considering all the attorney fees, court costs, expert fees, such as court appointed psychologists and so on; this can really turn into a financial disaster.

And to add insult to injury, the father must pay a huge amount of his earnings to child-support. In a lot of cases, the father finds himself falling further behind financially. And in most cases, will cause the father to become delinquent with his payments. Now, after all the hurt and sorrow, wasted effort, and financial despair, he becomes in the courts eyes, "a deadbeat dad" in which case, they can now justify the reason for giving the mother custody to begin with. However, even though past history shows, that the court systems lean more towards the mother getting custody, there are plenty of divorced fathers with full custody and the mother will have the visitation rights and pay child support. There are a few different ways a father can obtain custody.

(1) As hard as it may be, a father must put his emotions aside temporarily, and educate himself as quickly as possible on child custody laws and guidelines in his State. There are many ways you can find this information. At the very least, your attorney should be able to tell you what you need to know. Make the attorney work for his money. There is also an abundance of information via the Internet. Or go to your local courthouse and ask for help. Fortunately, in some states there are courts and judges that favor shared custody, which can work out, quite well for most families under the circumstances. This usually means one parent will have the children three or four days a week and the other parent will have the remainder days of the week. And will split holidays and birthdays etc. sometimes, even though you have shared custody, one parent may still be required to pay some child support. That will depend on the situation. In most cases, it is based on who earns the most income.

(2) Another way for a father to obtain custody is to prove the mother is unfit. There are different guidelines in each state. Examples such as, being a drug user, or alcoholic, mental illness, being abusive to the child, other examples include, not being able to provide a proper home or adequate care. However, you should not claim that a parent is unfit, unless you really believe it to be true.

(3) One more way a father can gain custody would be to try to establish temporary custody first. Before you even go to court for the first time, try to get the mother to move out of the primary residence without the children, even if in her mind, it will only be temporary. Then go to work on gathering up all the information you need to battle in court. Keep in mind, stability in the home is what is most often looked at, when the courts are trying to decide where the children should go. In any case, be prepared for a long drawn out and heartbreaking experience. And in any case, the attorneys are usually the only winners in this horrible misfortune.

 



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