Visitors Counter

mod_vvisit_countermod_vvisit_countermod_vvisit_countermod_vvisit_countermod_vvisit_countermod_vvisit_countermod_vvisit_countermod_vvisit_counter
mod_vvisit_counterToday131
mod_vvisit_counterYesterday579

Random Quotes

Most American children suffer too much mother and too little father. ~Gloria Steinem, New York Times, 26 August 1971

Polls

Do you think the rules/laws are applied to Fathers more stringently as compared to Mothers?
 

Resources & Useful links

Bookmarks

 
 

Bookmark us With


RedditDel.icio.usGet more widgets at VivoCiti.comDiggGoogleHuggReddot@eShiok!LiveFacebookSlashdotNetscapeTechnoratiStumbleUponSpurlWistsSimpyNewsvineBlinklistFurlFarkBlogmarksYahooSmarkingNetvouzShadowsRawSugarMa.gnoliaPlugIMSquidooco.mmentsBlogMemesFeedMeLinksBlinkBitsTailranklinkaGoGo
Module is designed by http://www.vivociti.com

Certificate of Appreciation

Click to see PDF

Our Friends

SIFF
Mynation Foundation
manushi
CRISP-Petition


YouCMSAndBlog Module Generator Wizard Plugin

AllVideos Reloaded

Parenting is no kidding PDF Print E-mail
(0 Votes)
Written by Monalisa and Nalini   

If you are a parent, then you know that the rules with which your parents brought you up aren't of much use today. With changing times, parents are stuck between being too liberal and too authoritarian, and to strike that balance seems tough. "Healthy parenting is about overall physical, emotional and mental well-being of kids. But the rapidly changing and confusing value system, the myriad influences of the media and the new-found voice and confidence today's kids exhibit can make parenting a challenging job indeed," says Dr Amit Sen, child and adolescent psychiatrist, Children First.

New challenges

Family structures have changed over the years. "We have moved from joint families to nuclear families and single parenthood, leaving young parents with more responsibilities," says Komal Mathur, counselor, transaction analysis. "Juggling between careers and home makes it increasingly difficult for parents to keep tabs on their children," admits parent-child counselor, Jessina Merchant.

The multiple distractions and options available to kids these days make a parent's job even harder. The influence of the peers is not limited to school and neighborhood any more. "While parents want to keep track of their kids' activities at school, they don't want to intrude too much either," says Reena Nath, family therapist. The demands of kids have grown too and parents don't know where to draw the line. "How much pocket money should be given? Should I get him the iPhone just because all his friends have it? These are some issues parents struggle with," says Merchant.

"To strike that balance between a total disciplinarian and a liberal attitude is the biggest task, especially when the children's emotional issues are at an all time high, "says Prachi Chawla, special educator, Sanskriti School. While parents ponder over such dilemmas, kids can't take a "no" in the right spirit as well. To counter the guilt that most working parents live with, they give in to unrealistic demands of their kids, which is a big mistake. "Letting the kids get used to both a yes and no is important, else it may lead to emotional issues," says Vibha Khosla, specialist in parent-child counseling.

Emotional problems

Most parents don't realise the impact a healthy home environment can have on young minds. Experts say that the attitude of parents influences the child's behaviour in many ways. "The way you speak and behave at home affects the child," says Mathur. These aspects are crucial in determining the emotional stability of the child, else it may manifest into troublesome situations.

Usually kids between grade I and V start showing symptoms of emotional problems. That's the age when kids start comprehending things and face different situa-tions. "There could be attention seeking kids or completely bored kids. At times kids can show very low self-esteem or poor attention . These all are some problems parents have to deal with," says Sandra D' Souza, counselor for children and adolescents.

Most discipline issues are linked with unhealthy parenting, say experts. "More than kids, parents need counseling, because somewhere they are conveying mixed messages to the child. It's essential to be cautious in what is directly and indirectly being conveyed to kids through your words and actions," says Mathur.

Sibling rivalry is one of the most common problems. While it is healthy to an extent, it shouldn't impact the child's behaviour adversely. Comparison, teasing, lack of attention and stressed out parents add to the situation. Aggression can develop among kids as a result of poor communication skills and a fierce desire to be independent. Behavioral issues are ways of seeking attention and control in a situation in which he feels helpless.

Identify early

"The solution lies in understanding the reason behind the child's behaviour," says D'Souza. In most cases, parents respond to emotional issues very late, only when the school counselor complains about the child. Ideally, parents should constantly observe changes in their child's behaviour.

If your child is teasing or hitting other kids, try to identify if he is at the receiving end of teasing at home. Don't ignore your child's fussiness over clothes or food as this could be his way of expressing his helplessness in some way.

"It's important for the parents to first identify what they are defining as a boundary for their kids. You can't be changing your stand every second day or imitate other parents. As parents you need to be firm on what's acceptable in your family, so that the child doesn't get mixed messages, leaving him confused," says Mathur.

Focus on his good behaviour, expect it and reward it. And lastly, never hesitate to approach a therapist for help. Different kinds of therapy exist for dealing with children of different ages and their problems. "Play therapy is one of the most common methods for little kids whereby we let the child play with a toy and vent his suppressed emotions. Family therapy also helps," says D'Souza.

"Children need to be taught contentment"
Bangalore based painter and mother of two, Oormila Prahlad, feels that raising grounded kids is a huge challenge. "More that kids it's parents who are influenced by the culture of materialism. Even kids' birthday parties are a status symbol now," points out Oormila.

Both Oormila and her husband, Vivek, decided they would work on cultivating simplicity and selfreliance in their kids, Samarra and Aiden.

"When my daughter was born six years ago I learnt sewing. Today both Samarra and I wear dresses stitched by me," says 34- year- old Oormila. She believes what a mother gives to her children by making things on her own is more valuable than buying things for them. She also took bakery classes some years ago for them. "Instead of throwing flashy parties, we try to keep our celebrations simple yet memorable. Every year I experiment with something new - my mermaid cake and doll cake are a big hit among kids," says Oormila.

The couple strongly believes that kids are essentially simple individuals who get excited by little joys. They don't need the world's most expensive toys. It's the adults who corrupt their minds by exposing them to materialism. "Contentment is something that can be ingrained among kids. When my kids demand expensive toys, I tell them that we can't afford them and they understand most of the time," she says.

To encourage sensitivity in their kids, Oormila and Vivek have encouraged them to do social work. "During winters we collect all our old clothes and distribute them to the underprivileged. I need Samarra and Aiden to value things we take so much for granted," she says.

"Expose kids to various options"
There are influences in a child's life, which a parent doesn't have much control over, but there are clear areas of influence too. Civil servant Indu Nair realised this before her kids - Adya and Aditya - were born. So she had a fair idea about what had to be done.

Six months ago Indu and her husband, Amit, got their cable network disconnected as their kids were getting addicted to television. But this move hasn't deprived the children. "Every night we show them animation movies on laptop. We have found classic Disney cartoon films of the 1930s and 40s on YouTube. These are much more engaging, entertaining and meaningful than what's shown on cartoon channels these days," says Indu.

Five-year-old Adya takes bharatnatyam classes and three-year-old Aditya has already started attending cultural events with the family. "I guess giving children choices early in life is a sensible thing to do. So my husband, Amit, and I make it a point not to miss any cultural festival, play or art exhibition in the city. Such outings are also essential instead of just taking your kids to shopping malls," says Indu.

Having a large group of friends from different cultural backgrounds has helped too. "All of us have our role models. So if you broaden that exposure for a child, he will be able to pick and choose more easily," says Indu.

Reading together is another ritual Indu enjoys with her kids. "Every night I read a couple of books to my kids. In fact my daughter has already started reading Oscar Wilde poems, which I had read at a much older age," she says.

 



Related Articles:

Powered By relatedArticle

YouCMSAndBlog Module Generator Wizard Plugin