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Why I Can’t See my Children PDF Print E-mail
(0 Votes)
Written by Jeremy Swanson - Fathers and Men’s Rights Activist   

Right up front the most important thing to know is this:

 I was an excellent Father and I love my children deeply. And they in turn love their Father.  We were very close and they knew I loved them. There was only love in our home for our children and they were happy children in every respect. I was and still am immensely proud of them.

 When they were little Susan Swanson's elder sister did exactly the same thing to her husband. The whole works you know--the changed locks the accusations. She even went into a shelter. Susan herself was horrified The children of that marriage were mortified and suffered very badly. I watched it all happening and I witnessed their pain. So did my children-their cousins.

 At the time I remember saying to Susan that I could and would never put my children through the same experience because of all of the hurt and pain that they would have to witness and bear. I did not and cannot still see the reason why children have to experience this. But I swore that I could not let them suffer this fate-even measured against the sense of loss they would have to experience with the loss of their father. It would have to be a calculated and selfless decision for them. And so it was.

 Initially as you all know things went well and I have a whole email history of co-operation on my past and a little from Susan. But largely it was a mass of angry emails back and forth because Susan did not want to be co-operative--OR she was being counseled not to be. Or both. So while I was being the good Father Susan attempted to make things as difficult as possible for me with respect to the children and my relationship with them. She refused to send money with them even when I was starving and unable to feed them.

 And then she changed the rules as to the timing of when I saw the children. First it was every week. Then it was every second week. Then it was every third week. And suddenly I would have to come and fetch them myself--by bus.  An hour long journey there and back in dreadful weather conditions in a staggered bus connection situation which would have given me 20 minutes with them before having to take them back again. And there was to be "waiting time" at one of the bus-stops that only saw one bus an hour coming through. In the freezing cold of winter and no place to stand out of the weather--remember I was "banned" from the house-and the stifling humidity of summer it would not have been long before the children started to associate the "visits" with discomfort and their Father with a loss of that. Susan had the van and the resources I didn't even HAVE bus-fare.

 And then there was the gun-seizure and all of what transpired with the police. And then this Father would have had to walk down that same road through those neighbours with their nudges and whispered indictments of me. Just imagine it "there goes that crazy dangerous guy with the guns"? No one would ever have told them the truth. All they had was the experience of seeing the police invading my home and then getting Susan's version of events. How could I have faced that? AND then gone to pick up my children who had to be witnesses to that and their resulting trauma. In their eyes I had embarrassed and hurt them. I knew it. I heard it in my son's voice when he told me how it happened 6 months after it did.

 You just can't imagine how painful this all was and still is. My view is why should I have to put the children through what their cousins went through and then let them watch the fireworks between their parents take root. I tried so hard to have a relatively normal communicative relationship with Susan. I really did but there was nothing but negativity and aggravation from her and her lawyers side-especially when I decided to seek my rights as a Father in this divorce. Then it just got worse. Especially when I exercised my rights with respect to the College of Psychologists and their errant members. The gun issue and the appearance in Court 2 years afterwards sealed the nightmare as far as the children were concerned. Who do you know could possibly act normally and continue a loving and continuous relationship with their children when full of fear and angst and anger--and tears?

 And again: I don't see them because I love them so deeply. It is NOT an easy decision and it has counted against me in Court. I know this. But it’s my resistance to the "system" that defines to a man how or when and where a Father can see his own children. I think that is wrong. A man should never be restricted by law to seeing his children every second day at the minimum. I will not subscribe to the system--even at the cost of losing my babies. I am basically a “14 percenter” (percent of 100 the time a Father gets to be a Father) and I refused to be one. Fathers are 100% (or 50 %) parents or not at all is my credo I would not put my children through any more stress--or more Psychologists.

 

I miss them so much. I am ashamed and scared to stand in front of them because of what has happened to me. I don't want to embarrass them any more either. I have failed them and I will always feel that profound guilt.How could I be a Father in these circumstances? My thought patterns would be filled with the pain of it all the time they were with me. at least this way I spare them the pain and myself as well.

 

Things should be normal between a Father and his children. When a Father becomes a 'visitor' to his children he ceases to be a proper parent. That is abnormal in this society. Time will prove me right. Remember me when Canadians all say collectively "how is it possible that we could have treated our Canadian Fathers AND their children that way?"  And as I said it will happen but I will be a statistic by then--or dead. Or both. And to see them even now I would have to submit them to a Psychologist AGAIN. And myself. Why? Because the law says so. Do I need a Psychologist to love and nurture my children? Do I need a judge I don't even know to tell me what to do with my children and how many times I should see them? Of course not? Why should I? Because they are all part of the divorce industry and they feed off one another. This is how it all works. Surely you can see this? Its an industry. Ask Dave Brown of The Citizen. The men here in the YMCA-those who have also disengaged- know it full well. Thousands of distraught Fathers I meet on the internet and in person every week know it extremely well. And WE are just expected to "deal with" the assaults on our characters by our ex-wives as if its the most normal thing on earth? Well it isn't normal. And it will never be normal until divorce becomes non-adversarial and the shared parenting and custody of children becomes automatic in law. There is the main problem. And none of what is happening now would have to have happened if my wife and I were on plain speaking terms. None of it. Yet the lawyers feed the flames and we fathers lose every time.

 

I would love to. I don't see them because I love them so deeply. it is NOT an easy decision and it has counted against me in Court. But it’s my resistance to the "system" that defines to a man how or when and where a Father can see his own children. I think that is wrong. A man should never be restricted by law to seeing his children every second day at the minimum. I will not subscribe to the system--even at the cost of losing my babies. And I will not put them through any more stress--or any more Psychologists. I miss them so much. I am ashamed and scared to stand in front of them because of what has happened to me. I don't want to embarrass them any more either. I have failed them and I will always feel that guilt profoundly. I wear it every day

Jeremy Swanson

March 2010

 



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